12/31/10: 2:14am
This is my third year writing my reflection on the year passed. I went and re-read the first & second year and realized.. this will be the same. I’ve been accused of being overly positive at times, and I wonder.. what’s wrong with that? What’s wrong with wanting to see the good in people, looking for the silver lining and waiting for the roller coaster of emotions to hit the highs after too many lows?
This year, both SL and RL, has been interesting.. to say the least. SL, I saw the true colors of someone I once respected, it honestly took me by surprised the lies, accusations and drama she brought into my life. I had to blink more than twice as I absorbed all her hate. A mutual friend reminded me.. no matter how good a person you are, no matter if you’ve done nothing wrong, some people will just hate you because you’re you. I never told anyone what happened. Although I was spending very little time in SL at that point, I decided to mostly leave, I came in about twice a week to do blog posts because let’s face it, I’m still a total fashion whore! The break was amazing and at one point, I didn’t want to come back.
I turned 30 this year. 30. Sometimes I still can’t believe it, I started SL @ 26 and now, 4 years later, what has it really given me? It gave me 3 Bestfriends I completely love, 1 amazing Sister, 1 amazing little Brother and a Cuzzo who keeps me grounded and laughing. I realized I wouldn’t have met these people had it not been for SL, not to mention the ones I talk to on an almost daily basis or those who disappear for a while but when they’re back, it’s like we never lost any time. I’m grateful for all of that. I tend to be a hermit at times when I’m overwhelmed with projects or RL, I find a weird quiet comfort when I’m playing with pretty clothes and losing myself in the frustrations of Photoshop (one day, I will learn everything!). Having amazing friends who know this and pull me out when they know I need it is a blessing.
My blog has really grown this year, though I took about 4 months away, coming back stronger than ever with my own personal fashion views. I’ve always had them, but they’re stronger now. I don’t have the attitude of “Keeping up with the Jones’” because I know I never really could. I don’t always blog the newest things, or right when everyone else is, why would I? I don’t want to read 6 different blogs and see the same items in 5 of them. I march to the beat of my own drums and I do blog almost everything I receive (thank you so much!!) eventually, I always believed that’s best, longevity for the item and because I truly love it, not because a designer passed it to me that morning and I feel pressured to put it on that night. My Sissy Kai taught me now to do some amazing Photoshop editing and I’ve been using them since, they’ve really brought both my photography and style to a new level and I’m so grateful for her help! Thank you so much to all my readers and designers who’ve showed me the love this year. You’re all amazing!
RL… *le sigh* RL.. I was with someone and can almost say I was at the edge of falling in love, but he left, he left and I never knew why, I wrote about him all over this blog, I couldn’t understand and tried to replace his RL presence with a SL one.. at least for a moment, then realized… I couldn’t. I couldn’t replace the physical contact, the kisses, the hugs, the talks. I closed myself off when he left and I refused to let my misery consume my life. The funny thing is, I wanted to give him everything but he didn’t want it. Over the summer, I rekindled a friendship with someone who wants to give me everything.. he’s an amazing man and I loved almost everything about him, but I was so scared after the last one, I couldn’t open myself to him. I lost the New Guy then..to this day I still miss him and wished I would’ve gotten over the last faster than I did. The old guy who left called me at th end of November and told me (while he was drunk) that the reason he left..and could never commit to me fully.. was because he had another girlfriend. I waited for the shock, the hurt, the tears, the anger to hit me after he told me. I waited a few more days and… it never came. I was so completely over him, I didn’t care anymore. I hadn’t made a move to contact him after he left yet he would call every so often, now, I don’t pick up. I hope he loses my number soon.
It’s funny how it happened, the only regret I honestly have about 2010.. was letting the New Guy slip away, I let the old one who broke my heart ruin what we could’ve had. Now the New Guy has a new gf and I still talk to him every so often, we’re friends and who knows, maybe one day when we’re both single again, we can both have the chance that slipped away from us the first time. Ok… ok.. the chance that I ruined!
2011, what can I say about you? I hope that it’ll be an easier year on my emotions. I have so many plans.. mostly RL for this coming year and I’m so completely excited about them. How does SL play into it? I’m not sure, I know I’ll never stop loving SL fashion and playing dress up. I’m not worried about not coming into game and missing people, all the ones I love dearly I’ve taken into my RL and text/call them if I ever need to talk. My boy bestfriend told me over Christmas “You’re one of the people I’d jump on a flight for at anytime if you ever needed me” It was comforting and made me squeal, because I feel the same way about him and all the ones I adore. Another bestfriend said “Bubs, I dunno what happened to you this year, but I like it, you’re fabulous chick, fuck the rest”. Best advice.. EVER.
It’s been so long since I’ve rambled so openly on my blog. It feels good to just sit and type, reflecting on it all and knowing.. it never broke me, and it’ll take a shit load to ever break me. As the years go on, I get stronger and less stupid. One year, I’ll get it all right…but then.. if I do, what do I have to reflect and grow from? Taking the good with the bad and surviving is a part of life I’m learning to handle more easily as I age, coupled with the fact that I really just don’t give a shit anymore! Time is precious, so smile often, laugh even more and count your blessings each and everyday.
HAPPY 2011 EVERYONE!! WISHING YOU ALL A NEW YEAR FULL OF LOVE, HEALTH AND HAPPINESS! <3
P.S.. Listen to the song.. it makes me smile.
Don Carlos – Mr sun
Bubbles Komachi
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